While waiting to be picked up by mom and dad to come home, I just attended Friday Night with the preacher Mr. Stephen Metcalfe. He talked about a question, “What do we have to do when people around you do the wrong thing and you are not into do that wrong thing?”

He gave out an outline. In the decision-making process, we would better not to use our emotions and feelings to determine something. Because you’ll do not know what is right for you and what exactly you want to do for your life. You do not have principles to live. It is better you make decision based on something that is right rather on emotions and feelings.

Suddenly I remember a guy who made decision based on his feelings for his girlfriends. Quite cruel.
But this issue has been over hundreds of years: people determine their own way by their feelings and emotion. For your caution, HEART and FEELING are different. They are not twins. Even they are not brothers. They are strangers to each other. So it is totally different. I cannot explain, but feelings always change from time to time. And it could be wrong when it comes for decision-making.
…continue reading the entry
called Reflection at the end of October 2008

Plugs:

In the middle of city hectic of studying and working, I got this homework from my lovely friend, Rani. She is very understanding and fun, and also responsible of her job. Thank you for tagging me, I am soo feel loved <3

The homework do not have to do with making presentation or workgroup projects just like in college life. A simple homework to get to know of yourself, either from your point of view or people’s point of view. 10 Things about yourself:
I’ll start with questions. And I try my best, ma’am!
1. What’s your name, my lady?
I am Irene. Irene Renaldy. A Chinese-born 18-year lass. Indonesian people often call me as ee-renn instead of eye-rene. It is quite difficult to recognize my name sometimes when it comes to the spelling since they know my name’s pronunciation as eye-reen. My close friends often call me as simple as a-b-c. It is Ai. A name consists of 2 letters but has a deep meaning. In Chinese the word Ai refers to Love. And when people call me Ai, they are just like acting that they call their own sweetheart. “Hey, Ai! Hey, Love!” =]

2. I love music
Before 2006, I knew nothing about music. All I knew was just all the everlasting stupid slow love songs. Since I was stumbled down in Radio world, I am forced to keep updated either by the world/national/celebrity/music news or various kinds of music: the past, the present, and the hottest. That raises up a new soul in me. I love the beats when it goes to my heartbeat, the rhythm, the voice, the dance, the spirit. I start to love until now. And still, music never dies.

3. Fight for existence
I am struggling for 16 years for me to accept myself the way I am. It is hard to love ourselves when something you think do not feel right in yourself. I think myself so bad. I keep fighting for my existence in social world. And a numerous of ‘Why’ questions are rising each day I live. Why can’t I socialize? Why people don’t want to talk to me? Why can’t I make people laugh? Why can’t I make people feel comfortable around me? Why can’t I adapt myself easily in a new environment?
But finally, the last 2 years, I found myself that there is nothing wrong with me. This is just another personality that human beings do have in themselves. Unique. Different. Like no other.
4. Multiple Intelligence
I am more into intrapersonal intelligence rather than interpersonal intelligence. I know what I feel and think, I know why I feel and think that way, I know what I need, I know what I want to do. I know when I want to socialize. I know when I want to be with myself. I keep both balance. And I enjoy myself very much.

5. A Good Communicator
After talking about my ego and individualism, I am also quite a good communicator.
I make friends easily. I can talk in front of people with confidence. I can do something that people will not think that I will do that thing, [such as doing extreme Metal Dance for Talent show in Leadership In-house Training 2008] But those only apply when my sanguine personality on the top of my melancholy personality.Which means, I have two opposite personalities. People who own this kind of personalities, have difficulties to face the world if they have not understood of what and why they are. Yes, it is hard.
…continue reading the entry
called Homework: 10 Things About Yourself

Plugs:

“When I got on my way to MYC Lounge North Meeting Room at 4.35PM, I found Hansen and his friend were sitting down on a 4-couched table. The Journalistic Student Activity would not work if there were only 4 members in it. Ha-ha!
The meeting lasted 2 hours with chatting, talking, sharing, lots of girls stuff included. Hansen is my senior colleague, such an active and dedicated guy to campus. Has so many connection and linkages, know a lot of people.
Once my friend shared, she talked about her conversation with her brother. Her brother asked: “What are you looking for in a university?”. She answered, “Studying to get smarter and smarter.” And her brother replied, “silly dumb girl,” her brother continued, “the thing you are looking for in a college is to build a LOT of relationship with people, make a LOT of friends. You’ll know the advantage really soon.”
Hansen commented, “Obviously that is true. Make a lot of friends…” and he started to share his business deal experience with friends: from clothes buying and selling, multilevel marketing, sea trading / Black Market, until illegal drugs distribution…oh, he was not doing it, luckily.
Then I started to think.
No, I have started to think since the first day my feet stepped on Pelita Harapan University.
Continued tomorrow. I think I need some sleep right now. It’s 11:14 PM. Cannot think of anything. Got headache.argh.
Continued in October 31th, 2008.
“I should make a lot of friends”
But in reality, it is not that easy as said. A lot of friends or few of close friends? When the answer is a lot of friends, you’ll get puzzled. People from ‘group 1’ will hang out together and you belong to ‘group 2’, if you still keep your principle as “I should make a lot of friends” you need to divide your time for both groups, but that results for friends, not close friends. Because having close friends is hard to do, and you need to sacrifice quite a lot of time together.
So.. what should we do? Acting like a fool just like we want to know people for the whole campus to make a LOT of friends?

I have heard a long long ago when I still in web-designing world. Some webmistress stated this in her affiliation application requirement:

“Quality over quantity. What does it mean when you make a lot of bad layouts when there is no one good?”

I know the answer. And you should know.

Plugs:

Originally written in October 3th, 2008

I wish…
On that day,
September 2th, 2008, if I had not agreed to come to the concert,
September 5th, 208, if Mr. Metcalfe had not accepted my request letter,
September 5th, 2008, if I had just gone to TIM to watch RENT presented by 42th Street Avenue
September 7th, if I had not said that “please tell me”,
September 8th, if I had not texted “the charm really works”,
September 9th, if I had not been online my YM and my roommate had not said “I have a song for you… It’s Jason Mraz”
September 10th, if I really had minded that I could be in his mind,
September 14th, if I had not asked to go to that deserted beach,
September 15th, if I had not gone to that deserted beach
…it would not have happened at all.

But hey,
Thank you, for making me realize that…
There was no sweet man
There was no unconditional love in such fairytales
There was no true care
There was no true promise and vow
There was no true love-saying
There was no love-will-last if the guy had loved you even for 5 months
There was no such song, “True to your heart”

That you used to sing at your awesome concert.

Great.
For having me and enjoying our 5-day dating relationship, after 5 months so long you waited for. And through many things also.

And.. Congratulation.
That finally, your curiosity towards me has fulfilled.
on that day, that maybe you actually waited for too,
15th of September,
You dumped me without consoling me. Was that you call as love? That was just a moment infatuation.
Thanks to my bestfriend Jessie, for introducing me that the word Infatuation does exist.

And I experienced that.

October 12, 2008: But if I keep saying “I wish I..” that means I haven’t forgiven myself. Coz forgiveness is something about forgiving yourself to GET WELL and MOVE ON.

Plugs: Cindy • RneeKrisnamurthi •

dear diary,

someone please take my feet down to earth, cause i have been flying nowhere so high with no direction. i have been in a rollercoaster of life. ups and downs. couldnt imagine that this actually happens.

and yes,
we mostly see the unexpected than the expected.

stop imagining, and go with your life.
time to move on.
yeah.

Plugs: Aya • RneeKrisnamurthi •